At 30 years old, I find myself being very uncomfortable with my immature 15 year old self. At what point do you stop identifying with your teenage self? Sometimes I feel so awkward remembering those things that I shudder just thinking about it, and make an audible noise to distract myself.
Like my first time...I think I actually lied about my first time. I was on a trampoline in my backyard with a guy I barely knew and 2 of my friends making out next to us. I think we were under a blanket because I don't know that my pants would be down in front of my friends. I remember it hurting and I thought I was bleeding, but I never actually saw or felt him. So that lasted all of 15 seconds and I guess I got up and went to the bathroom and found that I was not actually bleeding.
Stupidly, I then proceeded to tell all my girlfriends that I had sex, they told everyone else and the guys; then I find out that the guy denied it. I was so embarrassed. I don't think I liked him, I was just embarrassed. My shithole best friend at the time asked me about it 2-3 years later after high school while we were hanging out with an older guy friend of ours. This was a guy I was not sleeping with, but my friend was clearly jealous because she would make up lies to have him invite her over. She and I had a falling out, I hung out with him and told him about it. Then she saw him and told him I had an STD. He then told me what she said and was confused. I don't even remember how old this guy was at the time, must've been his early 30s, maybe even older. I can't even imagine how confusing that must've been for him to watch us bicker like the immature bitches we were.
